I had a couple ideas for my newest post.  I’ll get back to both of them in the coming days, but right now I need to take a moment to mock and belittle the useless, uncreative whores at the CW Network.

30 seconds ago I saw a preview for The Vampire Diaries.  Based solely on the preview, and with absolutely no desire to watch the show, I will now sum up the meeting that took place and led to this show being created:

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Random CW executive:  My 13 year old daughter really seems to like these books about vampires.

Other CW executive: Like Dracula and shit?  That’s kind of morbid and fucked up.

1st excutive: No, not like Dracula. More like Anne Rice’s version of vampires. She just can’t get enough of these things.

2nd executive: Hmmm…Anne Rice’s vampires were pretty effeminate and liked to dress like the people in Amadeus, but they also explored issues of religion and humanity, and occasionally they would rip people’s throats out and do horribly obscene shit to them.  Your daughter may need to see a therapist.

1st executive: Well, not exactly like the Anne Rice vampires, just the effeminate, dull parts.  And without any of the interesting or violent parts.  Mostly the books are about a sad, lonely mormon girl who creates stories about how super-awesome it would be if anyone liked her.

2nd executive: that sounds pretty dull.

1st executive: Yeah, that’s what I thought, too.  But then I was watching HBO the other night and I saw this show True Blood, and I thought, “Hey, wouldn’t it be awesome if we had a show like True Blood, but without any of that horrific violence or gratuitous nudity?  Or any interesting characters or storylines?  Instead, we’ll just use a whole bunch of attractive 20 years old’s who can’t act and a couple horrible writers who will work for $6 a day and might or might not have seen an old episode of Buffy once.

2nd executive:  So, pretty much exactly like every single show on our network…but the obnoxious, effeminate, borderline-retarded characters are vampires?

1st executive: Exactly!

2nd executive: I LOVE IT!  Now let’s go roll around in the big pile of money we’ve made by exploiting insecure and/or retarded teenage girls!

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CW Network, you suck huge amounts of ass.

C-HO Mesothelioma Rating – 6.0 – making shittier and shittier versions of shitty products is an important step along the way to Idiocratic Rule