- Murphy MacMannus introducing Romeo. Boondock Saints II (Quote transcribed by IMDB.com)

Movie critics had a field day every time the Boondock Saints II script called for an ethnic slur.

I’m not one to necessarily condone ethnic, racial, handicap slurs and the like. Every time Max Power says, “Fuckin’ Ret*ard,” – like Murphy MacMannus did in BDSII -  I cringe.

But once again, it depends on your culture.

What the critics failed to point out was that every ethnicity represented in the movie was insulted equally. To the point of equality. There wasn’t whites, blacks, and browns and the like. Characters in the movie didn’t see each other based on the color of their skin so much as they saw each other based on their home.

Take the phrase, “This is our Mexican,” that was used by Murphy to describe Romeo to McGinty (McGinty? That’s the guy who owned the house on Fraggle Rock). Vulgar and vile it was, but it got laughs.

How?

Well, follow me down…

Now when the Saints went to Romeo’s uncle’s place and Romeo’s uncle started talking down about Romeo, the Saints backed Romeo up.

“He’s with us.”

And this phrase got cheers.

Confused?

As the old phrase goes:

“Nobody picks on my brother but me.”

Sometimes, friends make fun of each others backgrounds not because of the color of each others skins but simply to get under each others skin and make them tougher. They can do that because they trust each other. They’ve built up a relationship. They’ve built up community. – That sounds very 2.0-ish

And when someone from the outside tests them, friends pull together.

They’re with you.

Another lesson in separating the “sh*t” from the sh*t, courtesy of C-Ho

C-Ho Corporate Mesothelioma Rating:  3 out of 10

A C-Ho rating of 3 out of 10 goes to the veneered-eared stupid f*ckin’ retard movie critics who don’t know the difference between an ethnic slur and a verbal slug in the arm.

(Photo Credit:  Usaniac via Flickkr)

Boondock Saints Stained Glass

Originally uploaded by contractflicks

“Profanity, Profanity. Boondock Saints is just littered with profanity. How could such religious folks use such unholy language? It’s crude, sacrilegious, and unwholesome. Nobody talks like that!” - random compilations of print-medium movie critic

Yep, once in awhile a cuss word is strategically utilized in the Boondock Saints movies.

• Do movie critics like this type of language? Nope
• Would movie critics suggest using this much profanity? Nope
• Did some of them cover their ears? Probably, if someone was looking

Then Why Would Boondock Saints Have This Much F*ckin’ Profanity?

Shut the f*ck up already. I’ll f*ckin’ tell ya:

It’s called “the demographics of their target market.” Like 2.0 and actual business marketing, Troy Duffy knew his target market – younger crowd, college frat boys, blue collar workers – and the women who love these men. Do they cuss? Most do. F*ck yeah we do. We’ve even been known to make up dirty limericks and get into swearing contests just to see how many different phrases and insults we can come up with utilizing swear words. H*ll-f*ckin’-yeah we do. We’ll even do this sober.

And when movies do the same, we find humor in that.

There is an art to swearing. Not that it’s recommended for everyone, but it’s d*mned-f*ckin’-fun for those sloppy-f*cks  who like to f*ck around with phrasings.

And because this culture likes their turn-of-swears with unabashed explosions and gratuitous violence, Troy Duffy can make Boondock Saints.

C-Ho Mesothelioma Rating:  3 out of 10.

Anybody who doesn’t understand why profanity wouldn’t be an intergral part of this film should go back to watching primetime sitcoms on the big 3 networks.

F*ckups.

We got this iPhone Stalker Apps parody video from one of our readers (thanks, Di). At first we found it humorous but then a scary revelation hit:

“This parody a little too realistic to be funny.”

And the reason the parody is a little too realistic is because the applications parodied are already out there, but marketed under better intentions.

Let’s break down the apps in order of appearance:

1) Stalk-Her. There’s already apps that will share your phone’s GPS if you choose to give it out. There are also Twitter apps that will broadcast it as well. If the ‘target’ forgets to block the ex, then the stalker’s job is half-done. Especially if the stalker likes blondes (blonde joke). Similar Real iPhone App: MotionX-GPS

2) Calend-Her. From the days of business networks and Crackberries – Anybody ever synced or shared their Google Calendar? What about their iMacs? Similar Real iPhone App: SaiSuke

3) Call-Her. The evolution of an old computer program. Works great with pranks. Similar Real iPhone App: Cyclic Dial

4) Law-Her. Nationwide Insurance already has an app that will email, store pictures of the accident, take down information, and contact an agent. There’s also saved searches, contact lists… Google Maps can do similar searches. You know a targeted lawyer app is on the way if it isn’t already out there. Oh, sh*t, they’re already out there. Similar Real iPhone App: Lawyer QuickQuotes, LawyerFinder

5) Match-Her. I don’t know how close we are to having a smartphone app with facial recognition software but there have been significant advances of the technology in recent years. State governments now use it with driver’s licenses. A facial recognition smartphone app can’t be too far off. Untill that app is available, stalkers might just eyeball it. Similar Real iPhone App: LookALike, Match.com

6) Used Cars – Yeah, that’s already a reality. Similar Real iPhone App: GetAuto.com, Web2Carz, X-Auction Lite (I listed the third one because the damned app costs $49.99. And that is the LITE version)

C-HO Mesothelioma Rating: 3 out of 10

I have friends who can’t watch the Colbert Report. It’s not that they don’t think it’s clever. It’s not they don’t think Stephen Colbert is funny. The problem my friends have with the Colbert Report is that they get scared of the quality of Colbert’s caricature.

In fact, Stephen Colbert is so good it begs the question,“Is he really joking?”

By watching the iStalker iPhone app parody video, I now know how my friends feel when they watch the Colbert Report.

With the apps already out there I fear the iStalker app video could be a case of art imitating life evolving into life imitating art.

And we’ll charge AdamThinks.com as the architect, instigator, and co-conspirator if these sorts of crimes become trends.

Bill Gates, the marketing genius who got the public hooked on Windows by giving it away for free is at it again. Nope, I’m not talking about how Microsoft keeps giving software away to students to keep strong a new generation’s addiction. Oh, no-no-no. Microsoft is Ballmer’s problem right now.

The man who changed the world is now trying to change the weather. No really, he’s trying to change the weather.

Hurricanes in particular.

According to CNN, Bill Gates has partnered with a group of scientist who have applied for a patent that will help minize the power of hurricanes.

How Will Bill Gate’s Hurricane Defense Plan Work?

Hurricane’s get their go-juice from ocean’s warm surface water. Gate’s hurricane patent will circulate the ocean water that’s in the Hurricane’s path by pulling the cool Hurricane water near the bottom of the ocean and raising it to the surface. At the same time, the warm Ocean water near the surface will be cycled back down to the bottom floor.

The effort will take some serious hardware. In this case, a fleet of barges and 500 foot conduits.

Scary enough, the idea is flushed with good intentions, but CorporateWhoredom.com has a few questions.

1) Storms, like any hungry beast in nature, follows the food. If Gate’s ships can actually stop the path, what prevents the storm from simply taking a different paths? Are the barage that fast?

2) If Storms keep changing paths, what will that do to weather patterns as a whole? If the water doesn’t make it to the land, won’t there be droughts?

3) How will storms patterns around the world be affected? Not that we’re chaoticians, once you start playing with the weather, you start playing with the livelihoods of billions of citizens of the planet who are dependent on the weather. Will Gates’ team be able to consider the contingencies?

4) What about the Aquatic life? Not only could you be switching up their habitat, but also, “how do you keep the aquatic life from being sucked up in the tubes?”

5) Who do you put in charge of the fleet? Who gets to stand in the path of the hurricane. If their plan fails, they don’t have an escape plan out there in the water. Ever seen the movie “The Perfect Storm?”

6) More Bacon than the Pan Can Handle – What if there are more hurricanes than there are fleets to handle the storm? Which country gets spare – besides the U.S of course?

C-HO Mesothelioma Rating: 4 out of 10. CNN further reports that several scientists doubt the plan will work. But if it does, well then wow. How do you keep from having a Messiah complex?

Once you start trying to change the weather, you might as well go all the way and try to control the weather. Either way, the weather patterns will never be the same.

And the world will never be the same.

Are we ready for this?

Will know when Gates becomes successful with his hurricane controling when 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway, Mountain View, CA gets hit with a concentrated Category 5 apocalypse.

Date: Fri, 3 Apr 2009 14:55:37 -0400
From: webmaster@greenpeaceusa.org
To: @MaxPowerMD
Subject: 36 Days Left to Save the Polar Bear!

Dear The All Mighty Max,

Greenpeace polar bears
36 days | 2 hours | 10 minutes

Time is running out! If you don’t take action before this countdown hits zero, it will be too late.

These are how hostage negotiations begin – at least on TV.

I talked to Max about this ordeal because I was concerned. But in off-camera John Wayne fashion, Max simply looked up from his screen and said, “I already gave Greenpeace money this year. If the Polar Bears die, fuck it.”

That’s right, Fuck it!

Greenpeace, listen closely! We do not negotiate with hostile threats and we will not bend to your will. The fate of those poor innocent polar bears lie in your hands, not ours. If the Polar Bears were in our position, they would feel much the same way.

And because of your actions, you have failed because now the polar bears will be able to die with a sense of purpose. They will die for a good cause. Their cause will be righteous and we will salute them because they will have passed on for the cause of FREEDOM.

Fuckin’ freedom, you tree-huggin’ hippies. Those defenseless predators will have lived their final moments free from oppression, free from your extremist ways. Their final memories will not be of your vindictive snickering or your weapons of their mass destruction but of that final baby seal they clubbed with their hands and feasted upon before the great white shark could devour them both.

You don’t Fuck the circle of life!

There are 10 days left before you precious non-working countdown is up. The next move will be yours. I suggest you come up with a new strategy if your ultimate goal, as you claim, is to save these poor innocent creatures.

If you want us to sign your petition to rescind some not-so-fair animal rights policies, then I suggest you ask us nicely.

You have to ask us nicely.

You see, Greenpeace, we can handle the unshavened girls and the vegetarian diets. We don’t want your tokes and we don’t want a hybrid. What we do want is for you to stand their in your liberal-ass Birkenstocks and with your Berkeley mouth, extend us some fuckin’ courtesy.

You gotta ask us nicely.

Anyway – if you’re into saving Polar Bears and don’t want them carved up like Han Solo’s Tauntaun, then click this Greenpeace petition hippie link.

C-HO Mesothelioma Rating: 3 out of 10.

For no other reason than the fact it was lame. If Greenpeace want to generate positive attention, get the agency who does the ads for FreeCreditReport.com.

ESPN is absolutely barn blind. Hell, all of Yankeedom is barn blind if they are surprised by the A-Rod steroid test. I don’t care if it was a little speed to get him through the back half of the season or if it was the hard stuff, MLB sounds like it was a breeding ground for ilicit, illegal activity up until 2007. Max Power will be going to town about this soon enough once his inspiration for writing overrides his apathy for this relative non-story.

For me? ESPN, shut the h@ll up about being surprised and get to the heart of the story: A-Rod’s positive result was unfortunate but expected. Take a look at the video as Buster Olney and all them act like choir boys about the “surprising” turn of events. “Shock” journalism left around the time Wolf Blitzer was in that hotel room in Baghdad back in 2003 – a real story for that year.

This passion for this story feels scripted. The video and coverage sounds lame. So lame, it’s near viral. Take a look.

The only reason I rant about this is because…hell, wait. No. Yeah, it’s ANNOYING!

I love sports. I love the spirit. I love the drama. I love the competition. This leaked report represents none of that, and ESPN spinning the story as a “surprise” is about the same as a impassioned science teacher trying to convince high school students that the atom is the smallest particle.

NO, it’s NOT!!! Shut up!

This is why I watch ESPN less n less and hate the Yankees more and more.

ESPN should really segment their SportsCenters: 1 for New York n Boston and 1 for the rest of society.

I tuned in to watch about MLB Hot Stove Heaters, not this non-story sh*t.

Sadly, because of how pathetic this is, I have to now add Alex Rodriquez to our list of Corporate Whores.

C-HO Mesothelioma Rating: 3

Max, Power down upon them!

We’ve read David Fricke’s heroworsphipping of the album on rollingstone.com. (Now I remember why I canceled my subscription).
We’ve listened to the WBCN interview with Slash. (Slash. Don’t be humble.)
We’ve read Spin.com questioning what legend was left in pop culture.
We tried to download our coupon of the free 20 oz. Dr. Pepper.
We even read Guns n Roses Attorney Alan Gutman’s senseless corporate whore spinning of the botched Dr. Pepper promotion.

After many said listens and several skimmed reviews, Corporate Whoredom safely believes that though “”The Chinese Democracy” is definitely not the worst thing it’s ever heard, “The Chinese Democracy’s” chance of fulling the prophecy as the savior of Rock is about as probable as, well yes, a Chinese Democracy.

The insistence on Axl Rose on naming “The Chinese Democracy” a Guns n Roses album emulates The Temptations still performing at clubs and casinos even though 4 of the 5 original members who sang on such classic hits as “My Girl”, “Ain’t too Proud to Beg,” remain to this day, dead.

The is no Slash on this record. There is no Duff on this record. There is no signature riff on this record. The last record since Use Your Illusion that embodied any of the spirit, power or zest that once buoyed the kingdom of Guns n Roses was an album named Contraband from a little band named Velvet Revolver. Even with this revival, Contraband contained but faint traces of the metaphysical glory of Guns n Roses mixed in with really bad later-day Stone Temple Pilots.

Corporate Whoredom gives Guns n Roses “The Chinese Democracy” a Mesothelioma Rating of 3 for taking what is nothing more than a pretty damn fine Axl Rose solo album – C-Ho confesses – and daring to brand it the Guns n Roses album that was supposed to save Rock.

“But the single Chinese Democracy is on it.”

Guns n Roses was inspired enough by Led Zeppelin, the could have learned that a single on one album can be the title of another album. “From the Houses of the Holy,” (Plant/Page). Speaking of bands trying to move on without essential parts…

in the end, does this…

Really compare to this?

Corporate Whoredom hears Velvet Revolver is looking for a lead singer.

C-HO Mesothelioma Rating: 3 out of 10.