At some point in the past (4 days ago), I may have mentioned the ass-suckingly awful qualities of Yahoo!
Well, the Yahoo! “top stories” have noticed, and decided to offer me additional evidence to support my theory that Yahoo! is quickly becoming the infected asshole of the internet.
I present: Why Michelle Obama’s Hair Matters

The title alone smacks me in the face with retarded asshole logic.  First, Michelle Obama’s hair doesn’t matter at all in any relevant way.  She’s a woman who has hair and what she does with it rates on my “importance scale” somewhere between Billy Likes Soda and Miss Lippy’s Car is Green.*

Do you want to know what I want from the First Lady?  Not a god damn thing.  If possible, I’d prefer that she’s not a babbling asshole who devises retarded plans for fighting the “War on Drugs” (fuck you, Nancy Reagan, you worthless bitch), but ultimately she has no authority or responsibilities in our government, so I don’t care.
If Mrs. Obama wants to give a speech about race relations or concepts of beauty in America, I’ll watch.  If she has something relevant to say about any issue affecting my life of the life of anyone else I know, I’ll listen.  But if a bunch of assholes want to ignore those things and instead whine about the social implications of her hairstyle, I want to set their damn heads on fire.
Yahoo! obviously isn’t the only outlet for these idiotic discussions, but Yahoo! is the one the pisses me off today, so screw ‘em.

Yahoo!, you’ve reminded me again how much you suck.

C-HO Mesothelioma Rating – 8.5 – Yahoo! is still a portal for millions of internet users, many of whom are stupid and easily influenced. Constantly showering them with idiocy and glossing over anything important is a key factor in leading us toward the entirely plausible future depicted in the movie Idiocracy

*Billy Madison has been on cable a lot lately. Next week I’ll probably have Teen Wolf references.

After a lengthy hiatus, Max Power has returned.
His absence was the result of many factors, including, but not limited to: gin, weed, apathy and some minor legal issues (who knew stabbing a hobo was even a crime?).

What has precipitated this return?
He’s been inspired to serve as a narrator for Yahoo!‘s final descent into uselessness.  The former internet giant is quickly dying, and Max Power will be tossing stones and mocking the death spasms.

I (you can refer to yourself in the third person* only so many times before you start to feel like a huge prick) will be making this a regular topic, focusing on many different aspects of Y!’s suckishness, including their completely useless search marketing platform (that’s being turned over to microsoft), the ridiculously retarded “Top Stories” on their homepage, and their general incompetence regarding every aspect of their business.  Except Free Fantasy Sports.  That’s really the only thing Yahoo!’s got going for them at this point.

I’ll be back with more later.

*since I’m referring to myself by an alias, would that make it the 4th person? Max Power is confused, needs gin.

The 2009 Corporate Whoredom Spring Retreat has gone off without much a’hitch. The content schedule has been planned with meticulous attention to detail and with the hiring of our Conservative Political writer, Lac Luster, the 2009-10 year is geared to be our best year ever.

I report with great sadness that Jesalyn Faythe will not be writing for us this season. Scheduling conflicts are to blame. The good news is that she is pursing a personal project and when she is ready we will report more.

Lac Luster’s first heroic act was to make sure our supply chain was reinforced n kept in tact. There was a point in the retreat where we weren’t sure whether or not we had the resources to continue. But thanks to Lac’s bravery, the retreat continued fluidly.

It is this kind of resillience and agression that had C-HO open up the purse strings, pursue his tactical services, and pay him like an intern. Why else would we would we hire a kool-aid drinking right wing country boy?

2009-2010 Expectations

You will see more political sparring. Given how the US Federal Government owns almost as much of Wall St. as the Japanese, we figured it’d be appropriate.

You will also see us put more corporate products and solutions to the test. We will put them up against the cold, hard steel of Corporate Whoredom and see how they stand up.

Goshdamned mosquitos. Time to settle up with the resort manager n go play purchasing manager.

Anyone know the name of a good video camera?