Tiger Woods – When Caught Cheating, Play Dead Dad Card? F*ckin’ Seriously?
Posted on | April 8, 2010 | No Comments
Usually when someone gets in trouble and the defense conjures up images of the defendant’s father, the father’s usually a derelict, drunk, or some other deadlier definition of “deadbeat.”
But playing the “dead” dad card in the case of Tiger Woods – Male Whore? Wow. Ballsy, Nike. Motherf*ckin’ ballsy.
C-HO: Corporate Mesothelioma Rating: 4 out of 10 – for playing the “dead dad” card
I’ve seen this movie before. If you play the “dead dad,” Obi-Wan Kenobi-advice-from-the-grave move, you better be able to control the story. Down to the ticket sales, the smell of the popcorn, and the credits at the end.
This is why the strategy is seldom, if ever, attempted in the court of public opinion.
If his mother worked two jobs and raised him on his own, then there’d be a story to use. If his loving country grandmother who helped shaped him in his country youth would have recently passed, then you could put him on a country road at sundown, leaning on a wooden fence and staring out into the fields where he grew into a man as he painstakingly learned to till the land by hand.
But the memory of a stern, disciplining, military father from his two-parent home who helped provide him with a Stanford education…
What Twitter-happy intern thought this angle would work? Social media only passes around so much sh*t, and that usually has to come from Chris Brogan or Seth Godin. Nike should gave them a call.
In an age of whodunnit, skeptical, people-are-evil television shows dominated by CSI, NCIS, and Law & (lack of) Order – with other shows like Burn Notice, Castle and the like filling in the house – conjuring the spirit of Tiger Woods’ dad is only gonna make people who give a sh*t question the character of Earl Woods.
If there isn’t already a conspiracy theory…
How long do you think it’ll be before we start hearing stories of Earl Woods, playboy?
Hopefully, Earl’s playing a friendly game of poker with James Jordan and can’t see this. If he does, Nike better start expecting some Jacob Marley, middle-of-the-night visits from big Earl.
(photo credit: capt madd matt via Flickr)
Tags: dead dad card > nike tiger woods video > tiger woods dead dad video > tiger woods nike 2010
Boondock Saints II – All Saints Day Now Out on DVD – Will The Sequel See the Same DVD Sales?
Posted on | March 8, 2010 | No Comments
It’s Midnight, March 9th 2010 in Chicago. That means only one thing:
BOONDOCK SAINTS II IS NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD.
It’s been three months since I’ve seen it. I’ll watch it tomorrow. Then this weekend I’ll watch the first and the second back to back and see if the experience compares to the euphoria we felt seeing it in theaters after waiting a decade.
- Original Cast
- Original Crew
- Original Laughs
Now, the only f#ckin’ question is: “Do I take a sick day to watch it?”
C-HO: Corporate Mesothelioma Rating: 8 out of 10 – on MYSELF
for not going out to f#ckin’ Wal-Mart right f#ckin’ now and buying myself a f#ckin’ copy and staying up drinkin’ good fuckin’ Irish Whiskey.
“I can’t believe that just f#ckin’ happened!” – The Boondock Saints
Time to go to bed. There’s only one Prayer I’ll say tonight (after I ask for a few old friends to be blessed):
And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti.
But We Wouldn’t be The Whoredom if We didn’t ask:
Do you think sales of Boondocks Saints II: All Saints Day will compare to the original?
Afterall, it was the cult following once it came out on DVD that made The Boon Dock Saints the fascination it is today.
What do you guys think?
Tags: boondock saints ii dvd sales > boondock saints prayer > boondocks saints vs boondock saints ii > will boondock saints ii dvds sell like boondock saints
CBS Dirty Frosty Helps Big Three Open Pandora’s Box
Posted on | December 4, 2009 | No Comments
God love CBS. I mean, really, pick the metaphysical deity of your choice, pick a sacramental pose, and give CBS all the thanks in the world for these videos…
YES! CBS! The same company that went into a hizzy fit about this nipple slip during the 2004 Super Bowl…
Remember “the” nipple slip. From the “Wardrobe Malfunction” – those types of mishaps that occur when you reach around, grab, pull, and remove a piece of garment that exposes a breast. It was this type of television that was allegedly offensive to American audiences and resulted in huge fines levied, apologies aplenty confessed during national press conferences, and the revving of news cycles for months.
This same network which thought a moment’s exposure was unthinkable has now endorsed the desecration of one of America’s most sacred holiday symbols: Frosty the Snowman.
Unless y’all thought Frosty…
- has a porn collection
- a great bullwhip
- has a rash, WHERE????
Somewhere, Janet Jackson has to be thinking, “My breasts are more offensive than THAT?”
Someone give that lady her money back.
C-Ho Corporate Mesothelioma Rating: 7 out of 10
What does C-Ho think? We…LOVE IT! Finally, the Big 3 (or 4) have finally paid the piper.
How does CBS explain it away?
“The target audience for these TV shows is different than for the Super Bowl.”
Yeah, I’d bite on that but for 3 things:
- Kids probably are up when the ads air.
- Kids probably will roll back the TiVo when they see their favorite snowman, while having no clue what they’re in for.
- Oh, look what’s making page 1 for both a Google & YouTube searches for “Frosty”
It’s amazing how this Search Engine search sh*t works. Like it was planned!
And Once Pandora’s Box Is Open…
Once prime time TV slips into risque viral ads, Pandora’s box is open. What’s good for the goose will be f*ckin’ b*lls-*ss sweet for the gander. CBS has now lost all leverage to say what can and can’t be used on TV, up to Dirty Frosty.
You know the one really getting screwed out of this is Wendys. Whose ever gonna be able to order their ice cream treats the same way again?
New times, new presidents, new levels of decency. What’s next?
(photo credit: from Poppy Lov via Flickr)
Tags: cbs dirty frosty > cbs inappropriate frosty > cbs viral videos
Boondock Saints 2.0 Triumph Part 7: Who Hasn’t Wanted to Be a Boondock Saint – Even for a Moment?
Posted on | December 3, 2009 | No Comments
Over the last couple weeks, Corporate Whoredom has gone into great detail to discuss how the Boondock Saints franchise didn’t focus on art so much as it focused on community.
Troy Duffy wasn’t trying to accomplish critical acclaim with his movies. No teary-eyed award receptions and trophy-clinching thank-you speeches. No “good job” thumbs-up from Jack Nicholson.
Like Billy Shakespeare, Troy was probably motivated by money because paying rent is such a selfish motivator. But Troy got to put what he love together into a vision. He forgo a template that would have allowed him to walk the primrose path of domesticated, “visionary”, filmmaking and instead went ahead and put moments on film that he felt would have made him jump out of his seat, time and time again, screaming, “F*ck Yeah.”
As Troy Duffy said in an interview on cinematical.com:
“the fans found this thing and made it. It was beyond criticism at the time because there was no big f*cking red carpet and advertising campaign…They made it their own thing, and they didn’t really give a sh*t what critics said. And they started protecting the film on the Internet.”
And because of that, people who shared his interests found this movie as well. Lucky for him, there’s a target market in family, larger than life characters, violence, and fraternity.
You can make a movie to achieve artistic feets. You can make a movie to tell people a story. Or in Troy Duffy’s case, you can make a film to relate to people. If you can create characters people wish they could be, even just for a moment, then you have something.
All that matters is that in the end, Troy knew that his fans get the feeling to be Saints, to be motivated to clean up the evil around them, and could put themselves in the Saints shoes. In the end, Troy knew the answer to the following question:
Civility aside, have you ever wanted to be a Boondock Saint – even for a moment?
F*ckin’-a right you did.
(photo credit: 1) Eli Rutten via Flickr 2) Shasta Fox via Flickr)
C-Ho Corporate Mesothelioma Rating: 0 out of Ten
Because what Troy Duffy did was technically whoredom, and because he was shamlessly aware of it, Corporate Whoredom levies no punishment as it stands alongside the millions of fans who have embraced the MacMannus brothers…
And shepherds we shall be,
For Thee, my Lord, for Thee.
Tags: boondock saints 2.0 > boondock saints community > corporate whoredom boondock saints > troy duffy movie
Boondock Saints 2.0 Triumph Part 6: Both Stiff and Over Acting? This Wasn’t a Porno!
Posted on | December 1, 2009 | No Comments
The last of the charges I read movie critics levy against Troy Duffy’s Boondock Saints wasn’t so much him as his crew of actors. But get this, actors were charged with both, “stiff,” acting and, “over-acting.”
What the f*ck are they talking about?
(Shakespeare? No. But even Bill could have told you their value)
This isn’t the case where people think a guitar is “flat” when it’s actually sharp (strings tighten from lack of play before they stretch, making the notes come out sharp). Y’all are professionals. You’re supposed to mean what you say.
Now, granted, Normam Reedus and Sean Patrick Flannery aren’t going to use these movies as references to get them into a Shakespearean Company, but I have to ask the critics:
“Who the Hell did you think Connor and Murphy MacMannus were?”
I’ll admit that in both movies, Duffy flashed brilliance in characters that were never fully developed. I wish the Saints’ ability to speak many languages would have been utilized more. Having the brothers speak in different languages around Rocco when they knew Rocco wanted to hear them would have been a great running gag. Or when they were tied up by Yakavetta’s crew, that would have been a great curve ball to throw their captors.
Also, in the second movie, they first saw Romeo as he was fighting a big guy while having both hands tied behind his back; then he never fought anyone the rest of the movie. The scene helped juxtapose his soft side more, but sh*t, not everyone has to be shot first. Kick their asses.
But I can’t blame the actors for it. It’s not like Reedus was going to break into Italian in the middle of the scene – unless he knew Italian that well.
Critiques aside, Reedus, Flannery, Connelly and company nailed what was important – their sense of honor and Fraternity. You wanted to hang out with these guys. You wanted to drink with them. They were one of the guys.
And that’s how you get a cult following of millions of fans.
Are you taking notes, Movie Critics?
C-Ho Corporate Mesothelioma Rating: 4 out of 10.
I’m sorry, but like the Eunice Bloom critique, if you critical critics can’t figure out why millions of fans loved these characters, you deserve your fate as movie critics and not script writers.
“Stiff” and “over” acting. I think some y’all were watching porn when you should have been paying closer attention to this classic.
(Photo Credit: 1 – Boondocksaintsii via Flickr 2 – A…P via Flickr)
PS – I do have to give critics some credit. Those of you who got over the fact that Billy Connelly was a comedian did give him his due props for his performance – and his hair.
Tags: boondock saints critics > boondock saints overacting > boondock saints stiff acting
